He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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