dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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