After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
