I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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