Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery

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  (217): Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery http://tfl.nu/m6f7
  Replies (12) Good night (2259) Bad night (476)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously

  (503): View more from Oregon

  you are my hero

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  (971): Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously (503): you are my hero http://tfl.nu/me35
  Replies (20) Good night (4933) Bad night (1043)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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  (254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night. http://tfl.nu/wct2
  Replies (37) Good night (5366) Bad night (1065)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

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  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (50) Good night (13048) Bad night (1490)
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  (914): View more from New York

  This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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  (914): This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive. http://tfl.nu/c66s
  Replies (11) Good night (1073) Bad night (3982)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...

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  (801): I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag... http://tfl.nu/qim6
  Replies (7) Good night (976) Bad night (3203)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

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  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2868) Bad night (1101)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

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  (336): as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love http://tfl.nu/xemn
  Replies (6) Good night (2582) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.

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  (661): His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that. http://tfl.nu/b2u0
  Replies (14) Good night (760) Bad night (3209)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.

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  (+61): we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together. http://tfl.nu/r78i
  Replies (6) Good night (3511) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels

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  (469): You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels http://tfl.nu/mqc8
  Replies (8) Good night (1818) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

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  (512): I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I? http://tfl.nu/ch97
  Replies (6) Good night (1585) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"

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  (614): We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us" http://tfl.nu/w1ue
  Replies (1) Good night (1140) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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  (219): My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle. http://tfl.nu/g4yj
  Replies (11) Good night (1484) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.

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  (406): Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year. http://tfl.nu/tnbc
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (260)

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