I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.