found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
