I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.