I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background