I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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