Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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