You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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