Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
