And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize