I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
