I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
