Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
