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do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
