didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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