That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?