OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol