I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.