i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.