she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
