he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
