after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
