i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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