My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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