can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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