Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
