bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
