i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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