I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
