that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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