Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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