alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
