i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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