if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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