She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The power of my boobs compel you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
