i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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