Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
