And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
