guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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