she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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