At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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