He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think my moral compass just broke
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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