no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
