I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
