I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
