so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
