So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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