It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
