So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
