I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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