I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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