i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
