So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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