Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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