I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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