I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
