I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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