I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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