i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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