You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
