Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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