I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
