but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
