I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
