What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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