he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
