mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
